Don't Angels Have Wings?
by book.junkie.1996
Summary: A series of little one-shots in which Damon uses his best pick-up lines on Elena, some with better results than others.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm a definite Delena shipper and, with TVD going on all of these breaks, I need to see _some _Delena goodness...even though this is more of a humor than romance story. Just a one-shot for now, but possibly more depending on the feedback. :) Warning: some are long, some are short.**

**So all the background you need is this: Everything's as it is now. Damon's a vampire, Elena's human, Stefan's bipolar, Klaus is a douche (a hot one). Damon tries out a few pick-up lines on Elena, some more effective than others.**

* * *

**"Dinner" **

Elena sighed as she pulled up to the boarding house a few hours after school ended. She'd been avoiding Stefan since he accused her of having feelings for Damon, and had been avoiding Damon for the same reasons. She didn't want to get close to him to see the truth of Stefan's statement. And, surprisingly, Damon had been steering clear of Elena as well. Ever since Rebekah had tortured him, Damon avoided Elena like the plague.

She wondered if Damon knew she was here. The only reason she was was because Alaric had been at the Salvatores's 24/7 lately, which she was incredibly suspicious of, and he felt guilty so he told her - not asked, _told _- to come over because they'd ordered pizza.

"Ric?" Elena called as she walked in. She figured they were a little past knocking at this point. When there was no answer she instead yelled, "Stefan? Damon?" She wondered if they were in the kitchen, but decided to just go back to her car to get her phone. Surely one of the vampires would have heard her if they were here.

She turned to leave but instead found a tall wall of black in her way, and she put her hands on it to steady herself. Her heart hammered as she wondered if it was Klaus, but instead she saw herself looking up at Damon's cocky smirk. "Well, hello there, Elena," he said in that voice he had. "May I ask what you're doing here?"

"Ric told me to come for pizza," she said, immediately taking her hands off of Damon's chest and stepping back a few paces. She then looked over her shoulder, as if Alaric or Stefan might suddenly pop up. "Where is Alaric?"

"Went to get the pizza." Damon started walking towards the kitchen, and Elena followed. He pulled a blood bag out of the freezer and glanced at the clock above the stove as she took a seat at one of the stools. "He left almost twenty minutes ago, and he's not answering his phone, so I sent Stefan looking for him." When he saw Elena's confused gaze, he rolled his eyes. "Okay, so we _might _have gotten into a little argument before he got the pizza. Didn't figure he'd want me to be his savior if he was in distress."

Elena worriedly looked out the window. If Alaric _was _in trouble, she needed to go. Do _something_. She'd lost Jenna, and in a way Jeremy, and she sure as hell wasn't going to lose the closest thing to family she had left. But at the same time, if it were anything too serious, Damon would be out there. She knew not to worry.

"What have you and Ric been doing lately anyway?" she asked. She watched Damon carefully, and caught the confident smirk on his face leave for just a moment to a stressed expression, but he covered it well. "He's been getting up at the crack of dawn to come over and doesn't get back until three AM some nights." Elena furrowed her eyebrows and watched Damon suspiciously. "Please tell me this has nothing to do with those stakes you lost."

"What?" Damon looked genuinely appalled to have that brought up, but at the same time Elena knew he was a good actor. "Of course it doesn't. That's _over_." He went back to his blood bag, but not before he mumbled, just loud enough for Elena to hear, "At least until we figure these bloodlines out."

They let the subject drop and instead talked about strategies on how they were going to find out which Original had, very indirectly, changed Damon and Stefan. They couldn't kill that one if they wanted to live, and they hoped desperately it wasn't Klaus.

Finally Damon's phone vibrated, and he flashed a smirk at Elena as he whipped it out to answer it. "Hello, Stefan," he said cheerfully. Within a few moments, Elena noticed his expression grow a little more serious. "You're sure? I can come and help if you need. You got it under control? Okay, then." Damon snapped his phone shut and looked at Elena. "Alaric went all crazy killer again," he said casually. Elena stammered but Damon finished, "Stefan stopped him before anything happened, but it looks like we're not getting our pizza."

Elena looked at the clock to see that it was almost eight. It was a Friday night, but she was tired and ready for bed. "Oh, that's fine," she said, standing from her stool. "I can just get something at home." Unfortunately, her stomach growled. Damon automatically reached out and grabbed her arm. When she looked at him a smile was tugging at his lips, as if something funny had just entered his head.

"Elena," he said, his voice serious. "If I cook you dinner, will you cook me breakfast?"

It took a moment, but Elena slapped his arm and said, "I'm not sleeping with you!" But she pushed herself back up into the stool. "But dinner sounds good."

* * *

**"Angel" -"I thought angels had wings?" after patting back.**

Damon was in the bar around midnight - nothing new - drinking away his sorrows. Of course Alaric's alter ego would hide the single available stake that could kill an Original. And _of course_, even if it did somehow return he couldn't _use _it due to the fact that if an Original was killed all vampires in his bloodline would die. Honestly, Damon didn't mind if he died, so long as it killed Klaus, but he couldn't risk Stefan's life, his friends's lives, or even Katherine's.

So the only way to bring his mind off of it was simple: bourbon.

He put back another shot and heard the stool next to him being pulled back. He set the small glass on the counter, slouched forward, and glanced over to find Elena in the stool next to him. She was slouched forward like he was, and he reminded himself that she was under just as much, if not more, stress as he.

"Drink?" was all he said, picking up one of the shots lined up and pushing it towards Elena. It sloshed on the table as it stopped in front of her. She looked at it for a moment, her fingers strumming on the table, as if asking _herself _if she wanted it. She finally just shook her head.

"No." Her voice was strong, but her hands shook as she pushed the glass away.

Damon felt a small smile play at his lips and he straightened up. Feeling like a thirteen-year-old on his first movie date, he reached his arm around like he was going to put his arm around her shoulders, but instead rubbed her back in a few big circles.

"What are you doing?" Elena asked. She looked confused, but obviously the back massage made her feel a little better, since her shoulders relaxed.

"Nothing," Damon said, still rubbing her back. "I just thought angels had wings." Elena gave Damon a look, but just chuckled and shook her head, reaching forward to pick up the glass.

* * *

**Let me know if that sucked. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and please review! Should this just be a oneshot or should I have a little series of pick-up lines? Review! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I didn't think these would be so much fun to write. :) Thanks for the reviews, guys! And by the way if my writing sucks, just know I usually write in first-person, not third.**

* * *

**"I Hate to See You Go..."**

Elena felt awkward while she sat on the sofa, watching the Salvatore brothers brawl. It'd been going for so long now she forgot what even began it, but right now they were pointing out each other's flaws from 1913. She looked at the clock and wondered how long it would take to get through the next 99 years of mistakes and accusations. She was supposed to meet Caroline and Bonnie for a girls' night in half an hour.

"...and when you sent that letter that was just unforgivable!" Stefan was yelling at Damon when Elena tuned back in.

"What letter?" Damon said. He was much more chilled out than Stefan, even choosing to sit next to Elena and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Don't pretend you don't know," Stefan said bitterly. He had his arms crossed, and Elena saw his muscles flex when she didn't make a move to remove Damon's arm from around her shoulder.

Elena didn't know what to do. Right now her relationships with both of the brothers were borderline mysteries. Damon was always teasing her and joking around with her like they were best friends, but he also sometimes showed up in her room late at night to talk. Elena sometimes thought he was going to kiss her again, and she knew that, if she tried, she wouldn't protest. But Stefan... Ugh. Stefan was just confusing. Sometimes he was willing to risk anything - be it his, Elena's, or even Damon's lives - to get rid of Klaus, and sometimes he swore to Elena that he really was trying.

"Sorry, Stef." Damon shrugged, leaving his arm where it was around Elena. "No clue what letter you're talking about."

"You're despicable," Stefan finally said. He turned and used vampire speed to zip off to his room or the Grill or God-knows-where.

"You shouldn't do stuff like that in front of Stefan," was all Elena said. She stood up, letting Damon's arm fall off of her shoulder.

Damon looked completely innocent as he said, very convincingly, "What'd I do?"

"You know what you did." Elena left the living room and dug through the closet by the door for her coat. Damon leaned against the wall with his arms crossed as he watched her search until she finally had it. His expression was enfuriating, but at the same time nothing new. "Well I'm going to meet up with Caroline and Bonnie." She shut the door.

"Aw." Damon pouted. "Do you _have _to go? Just tell Witchie and Blondie something came up."

Elena shook her head and sighed, "Sorry, Damon. I need a girls' night desperately. Especially since you're always starting stuff like that with Stefan."

"Well I hate to see you go." Damon sighed and shook his head as he opened the door and Elena stepped outside. As she walked down the sidewalk, he called after her, "But I love watching you leave!" He smirked as she turned around, her mouth in a surprised _O_.

"Not necessary, Damon!" she yelled back to him, and she walked backwards the rest of the way to her car.

* * *

**"Impolite to Stare"**

Damon was at Mystic Falls's latest festivity, which was, as usual, at Mayor Lockwood's mansion. He was so sick of all of these parties (Mystic Falls seemed to have a new get together every other week) that he almost didn't come tonight, but he knew how bad Elena's track record was for parties, dances, and the like. He stood at the bar with Liz, chatting about the whole Alaric situation, and watching Elena from across the yard.

She was wearing a body-hugging ivory dress and had her hair curled. To some she probably looked like Katherine, but to Damon she just looked like Elena with a different hairdo. He couldn't keep his eyes away from her as she laughed with Caroline.

"Please tell me that's not who I think it is," Liz suddenly whispered to Damon. Damon tore his eyes away from Elena to see the most unliked of the Original family climbing up the hill.

Rebekah was smirking in a way that had Damon knowing she was up to something, and her eyes glinted as she winked at him. Kol barely glanced at Damon or the sheriff, instead looking around at the menu - otherwise known as the guests. And, of course, Klaus. Rebekah and Kol sauntered off to entertain themselves, while Klaus approached a furious-looking Damon and a now-tense Sheriff Forbes.

"Hello, Mr. Salvatore," Klaus said immediately, nodding in greeting at Damon and Liz. He looked around the party suddenly. "Oh, is Stefan not attending this festivity?"

"Afraid not," Damon replied. Stressed with the outlook of the night, Damon finished his drink and sent a quick glance over to Elena, who was watching Rebekah warily. "What are you doing here, Klaus?"

"I just came to celebrate with my townspeople," Klaus said innocently. But he smiled as a new group walked in. Hybrids. At least twenty of them. Now Damon _knew _Klaus had something up his sleeve. "Nice talking with you, Damon." Klaus turned to Liz and brought her hand to his lips. "Liz." He then turned and walked towards Caroline and Elena. Damon saw Elena stiffen as Klaus neared them, but soon was left alone as he pulled Caroline to the dance floor.

Damon wasn't happy Klaus had approached Elena that way, but he knew Elena was better off with Klaus if she had Caroline at her side than she was standing alone with two other Originals roaming. And he just knew deep down Klaus was up to something, and it wouldn't be Klaus unless it had something to do with Elena's blood.

Damon grimaced as he put back another drink. Of course, he thought, he would fall in love with the freaking doppelganger.

When Elena saw Damon approaching her she looked relieved. Her shoulders visibly relaxed and Damon saw her let out a breath she'd been holding. Damon needed to spend the rest of the night by her side for her safety, but he wasn't going to say that to her and freak her out. He figured the least he could do was make it seem like a carefree night, while still keeping his eyes peeled for the Mikaelsons or any Hybrids.

"You know," Damon said, coming to stand beside Elena, "my aunt always told me it was impolite to stare. So what do you say we dance?"

Elena said nothing for a moment, but finally hooked her arm with Damon's and said, "You never told me you had an aunt."

"Two, actually." Damon smirked as he pulled Elena towards the dance floor. He put his right hand in hers, placed his left carefully at her lower back, and they began to sway. "And you should hear about my cousins. They were a hoot."

For the rest of the night Damon and Elena danced and talked and, even though Damon knew the night would end in bloodshed, it was one of the best of his life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Not that I didn't totally love all of the Delena from the episode a week ago, but unfortunately we'll have to pretend that didn't happen. I think Damon might be a little bitter to joke around with Elena. So while reading this, pretend that didn't happen, but a new episode is tonight!**

* * *

**"That Looks Good on You"**

The door swung open and Alaric automatically began to shove it back shut as soon as he saw Damon. Damon, though, just smirked a little and slapped one hand on the door to stop it from shutting. "I know you're mad at me, Ric," he said, "but I'm here for Elena."

"Oh, no." Alaric rubbed his hands over his face. "_You're _her date?" He stalked to the kitchen, Damon following him. Alaric offered him a glass of bourbon, but Damon shook his head. The last thing he needed was to be temperamental tonight. All that would accomplish was making him act like a douche and making Elena turn a little bit more to Stefan.

"I know you don't like me hanging around Elena. But you also know how her track record is for school dances," Damon muttered. Alaric grunted. So he at least agreed, but he wasn't happy about it. As far as Damon was concerned, Alaric didn't have to be happy about it as long as Elena made it through the night unharmed - physically _and _emotionally. "Stefan's keeping an eye on Klaus, so I'm the babysitter for the night."

Damon straightened when he heard footsteps in the hallway upstairs, and he and Alaric moved to stand at the bottom of the stairs until Elena appeared.

Her dress was a long black ensemble, strapless with a sweetheart neckline. A long slit revealed one smooth leg as she stepped down the stairs, and the way the dress swept the floor and glittered all over stayed true to the Red Carpet theme of the school dance. Her hair was kept straight - thankfully - and was in a long sleek ponytail that trailed over one shoulder. All Damon could look at, though, her lips. He had a hard enough time keeping his eyes off of them, and now they were highlighted with bright red lipstick.

"You look nice," Elena commented as she stepped down. She reached forward to adjust Damon's bowtie, and he got a whiff of her floral perfume. "Very Hollywood." Damon smirked as he caught her hand before she could pull it away, and he planted a kiss on it. He heard Alaric mutter something under his breath, far too quiet for a human to hear. Elena stiffened at Damon's touch and said, "Well, we better go." She gave Alaric an awkward one-armed hug, which he returned just as awkwardly. "See you, Ric."

"Have fun." Alaric gave Elena tight smile. Damon put his hand at the small of Elena's back and began to usher her out the door. Again, too quietly for Elena to her, Alaric whispered, "Don't try anything stupid, Damon." Damon just laughed and closed the door behind him.

Damon opened the car door and Elena slid smoothly in - or at least as smoothly as she could in her dress. Damon clenched his fists when the dress slid to reveal her leg again. He swore the stupid slit in that dress would be the death of him.

As Damon got in the car and started it, he chuckled to himself. Elena looked at him questioningly, but he just held a straight face and said, "That looks good on you." She muttered a quick thanks. "It would look amazing on the floor in my bedroom."

"Ha. Real funny, Damon," she said, brushing it off, but Damon could hear her heart speed up and knew her palms began to sweat.

He smirked to himself and drove towards the school.

**"You Lost Your Teddy Bear"**

Elena stepped out of the shower, slipping into her pajama shorts and tank top, and brushing her teeth quickly. She knew if she went to sleep with her hair wet she would have a total mess of tangles on her head tomorrow, but she was so tired she didn't even care. Sighing, she left the bathroom. She didn't even turn the light on to plug her phone in before tumbling into bed. She sighed as she pushed her wet hair out of her face and closed her eyes, relaxing her muscles and eager to fall into the oblivion of sleep.

Not one who naturally fell asleep quickly, no matter how tired, Elena lay there and listened to the ticking of the clock and the whirring of her fan. It was hot, but she always slept with her blanket over her. She didn't feel safe otherwise. Which was stupid, because it wasn't like her measly cotton comforter would stop Klaus if he suddenly decided to go through with his plan of kidnapping her, but it was comforting to believe it would.

Elena groaned and rolled onto her back, peeling her eyes open and staring at her ceiling. She wasn't getting much sleep tonight, she knew that already. Her mind was whirling from all that'd happened with Ric's psycho-killer alter ego. Still, she snapped her eyes shut and rolled onto her side, curling into a ball and resting her cheek on her arm.

And then she felt a breath on her face. Her eyes snapped open to see a pair of bright blue ones in the dark of her room, and she automatically cried out, flailing and nearly falling off of her bed. But Damon, who she could clearly see now with her eyes adjusted, moved forward with vampire speed and caught her wrist, pulling her back onto her bed. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stood there.

"I saw that you lost your teddy bear," was all Damon said. Flashes of Damon holding her precious teddy bear flashed through Elena's mind.

"W - what?" she muttered, still half-asleep.

Damon grinned and repeated, "I saw that you lost your teddy bear. I was wondering if I could sleep with you instead." Damon plopped down onto the bed before Elena could answer.

Elena's fuzzy mind didn't even really process what Damon was saying, or how much more drama this would cause if _anybody _figured it out. So she just smiled, curled into Damon, and fell easily asleep.


End file.
